A Whole New World
by Trixxie
Summary: Life in Canada is not the same as Japan for Haruka and Michiru I suck at the summary stuff..Just know its more Static
1. What Have We Done?

**Chapter One:**

**What Have We Done?**

**A/N: Back to my static. That is all, enjoy.**

I hate the fall. Everything about it is unsettling; the end of wonderful summer days spent lounging at the beach, the end of pretty colored nights walking hand in hand with my lover as a cool breeze shuffles her hair; pieces of scattered memories laced together into a depressing montage of what will never be again. Quietly I stare at the lifting moon as deep husky rain clouds threaten the ease of the night tossing a hand through my short blond hair I laugh. Yes this night would be the end of many things but in hope, the beginning of many too. I had recently taken a new job, my career as an internationally renowned F1 race car driver was fading in the distance and the new career of manager was about to take off. The prodigy was a 17 year old boy named Tyler Hewlett whose family lived in Daytona Florida. After watching me race for years Tyler demanded his father bring me to America to teach him all I knew. The price was right and the opportunity was amazing, they were even willing to overlook the fact that not only was I female, but a lesbian at that. My lover is less then thrilled to be whisked away from her family, friends, her life but she loves me and I'm lucky to have her, had she in any way disagreed with this move; I may have given up on my dream. Sighing I turn to face our bed, she's sleeping and now she looks peaceful, pangs of guilt run over me as I close my eyes remembering our fight earlier in the day. I want so much for her to be happy and in that I push her away from me. I realize that, so does she. We shout at each other for an hour, never more, then I retreat to my office and she to her art room; after we both cool down we meet in the kitchen where I beg her forgiveness and she laughs at me as we kiss. I close my eyes as I think about our kitchen, that tonight was the last night we would make love on the counter, the last night we would eat dinner in our dining room.

'Haruka.' her voice is soft and raspy with sleep.

'Mm.' I reply to her slowly walking into our room from the balcony the curtains closing behind me to shield the light of the moon.

'You okay?' she yawns turning over. I watch her, adoring the look of her body in our bed.

'Fine. Just thinking go back to sleep.' Her eyes droop but her arms reach for me, I slide into our bed and she wraps them around me. I can hear her return to her slumber, her arms now locked against my body, her head resting on my back, my position isn't a comfortable one but I'll keep it as long as she's happy, slowly I join her in sleep.

...

Morning sun breezes against the deep grey of our curtains covering my face in day. I squint my eyes against it, my body aches a little from my position and since I'm now alone in bed I'm able to stretch my 5 foot 9 frame out over the bed. I groan loudly pushing my feet into the bed and pulling my arms out to my sides. 'Morning.' I hear the silky voice of my love greet as she wanders into our room with two cups of Styrofoam coffee.

'Yes, thank you.' I say taking the cup she offers me. 'What time is it?' I ask downing a large draft of the coffee silently cursing myself as it scalds my mouth.

'Nearly nine.'

'Michiru, you really don't have to do this.' I say to her, using my free hand to push myself into a sitting position before I take her hand into mine.

'Don't be absurd.' she laughs lacing her fingers around mine before meeting my hand to her mouth. 'I love you Haruka, three years with you in America and me here would drive me crazy.' She moves her mouth to meet mine and I taste the bitterness of the coffee mixed with the natural sweetness of her mouth.

'What time are the movers here?' I ask breaking our kiss, her lips still very close to mine.

'Eleven.' she answers still not pulling away.

'Then we have some time.' I tease her, putting the cup on the floor and wrapping my arms around her. 'What could we do?' I say as my mouth matches hers again. She moans against my embrace, our tongues dance with each other and warmth begins to over take me.

'Mm Ruka, we need to finish packing.' she says against my lips breaking our kiss. I frown only a little as I know she hates it, and then nod. 'Yes we do.'

...

33 hours, 14 minutes later my head is cloudy and my body is officially protesting against me but we're finally making our way into the house the Hewlett family has rented for us. Slowly we make our way past the large front gates, the house is larger then I could have imagined and I'm slightly confused on its need. Michiru's eyes are wide as she takes in its stature against the soft twilight of the early evening sky. 'What point are they trying to send Ruka-koi?' she says to me in an almost insulting tone. I try to ignore it as the driver hands me the keys to both the house and the car the family has given to me.

'There is also a car for Miss Kaioh.' He says to me handing me yet another set of keys. Michiru turns then and frowns a little at her previous rudeness. I smile to the driver happy he likely doesn't speak Japanese. 'Anything you need feel free to give me a call.' He adds helping me with our bags once our things are in the house he smiles at me and takes his leave. I glare slightly at Michiru who fully ignores me wandering aimlessly about the house.

'It's pretty.' She says lifting random objects. The house has been decorated in traditional Japanese; some of the items bring a smile to my face as they are blatantly Americanized Japanese knockoffs. The sound of Michiru's laughter drags me from the living room into the office; there hanging on the farthest wall is a picture I would recognize instantly.

'Do they know I painted this?' she says between giggles.

'Not likely.' I laugh glad to have our tensions lifted. She crosses the room to join me, slipping her arms around my waist leaning her head against my shoulder. I hold her close as we admire her work. 'You're so talented Michi-koi.'

'Thank you.' She says blushing the same pink tint she always displays when I compliment her work. If I tell her she's beautiful she shoots me a glare the only blush comes from commenting on her art, and her blush I love. I slide my arms around her waist pulling her against me, letting my mouth wander to her shoulder, then her neck. 'Shall we find the bedroom?' she says her voice betraying her a little. I release my hold on her and follow as she leads us out of the office and down the hall. We open three doors before finding one that contained a bed. 'How many bathrooms do we need?' She teases having closed the door on two of them. 'Oh Haruka' she gasps taking in the beautifully decorated master bedroom. Ocean blues and sea greens cover the walls, coral pink sheets lay back to a sand colored duvet.

'I take it you approve?' I tease her. This room was the only one I was already aware of what to expect; The Hewletts asked me how I wanted it decorated and I told them, the ocean. My ocean. Michiru's eyes follow around the room until they meet mine, she has a wonderful look of wonderment on her face and I find it endearing.

'You knew about this?' she says to me, taking the few steps back to me, her eyes locked on mine.

'I did. They asked me how our master room should look and I said the ocean.' there is a tear in her eye and even though I hate to see her cry my heart is pulled more toward pride then fear. Her lips are on mine before I even register what's going on, my arms instinctively find her waist and I pull her close. The kiss is passionate and seductive and I'm fighting the urge to ravish her, she can feel that I'm sure; my body is leaning against hers begging to be closer still. 'I should get our luggage.' I manage to break in. she groans pulling me further into the room, she lets go of my hand and places herself on the bed, the innocents of her look is broken by the fire in her eyes. 'Haruka' she breathes and the realization that I have been standing a foot away from her just staring hits me, I grab the hem of my shirt and lift it over my head tossing the fabric somewhere in the distance leaping onto the bed next to her. 'Yes.' I say in the most seductive tone I own, letting my hands busy themselves with the buttons of her dress. Her lips are against mine again and our tongues are doing their usual dance her hand is running up my side bringing waves of shivers over my skin my nipples perk and a rush of warmth hits my pelvis.

'Damnit.' I curse at the sound of a phone ringing breaks my concentration. Michiru groans loudly as I step off the bed to find the disturbance. 'Moishi Moishi,' I answer forgetting I'm in America.' Yo.' I add quickly. 'Haruka, you made it.' the voice of James Hewlett the third gushes in my ear. Tyler's father had more money then brains as far as I was concerned, the heir to an oil fortune that had doubled many times over. James had never had to work a day in his life and from that, neither had his son. His wife Donna was the reason Tyler was into motorsports, she demanded he find something constructive to do beyond spending his father's money.

'We did, yes.' I say glancing to Michiru who was back to seducing me, her hands unbuttoning the rest of her dress, I cock my eyebrow at her and turn my attention back to the wall.

'And everything is good? We stocked the fridge and made sure there was enough stuff for both of you.'

'Yes, everything is perfect. Thank you for the bedroom Michiru loves it.' I say listening with interest to the increased speed of her breathing, deciding it's best I keep my attention on the foam colored wall I ask 'When do you want me at the track?'

'Oh, not until next week Haruka, get settled. I'll drop by with Donna in a few days to make sure everything is well and go over the press stuff with you. Have a good night.' he finishes. I hang up the phone and turn to find Michiru on our bed, clothes completely removed. Sound asleep. A smile crosses my face and I move to pull the blankets over her before placing a light kiss against her pouted lips. How I love her. I flick the light off leaving the room in complete darkness and head for the door, getting lost on my way, she's right how many bathrooms do we need? Once I reach the door I separate our luggage and move things around in the living room to accommodate our items when the movers arrive. Wandering from the living room I show myself the kitchen happy to know little of the events that take place there. I can handle feeding myself but the idea of actually cooking is beyond my grasp, I just hope that these appliances will be good enough for Michiru. I search the cupboards for a kettle finally finding a pot instead; I fill it with water and set it to the stove, trying a few knobs before sparking the right one. Next I set out to locate some tea and a cup, my water is already boiled when I finally locate the cup but I still have yet to find the tea. Shrugging I wander to the closet confused as to why there is a closet in the kitchen, but I finally find the tea, and an array of other food. Now I'm aware of the concept of a closet in the kitchen. I take my tea with me to the rest of the house, opening and closing doors as I scout about, I locate two spare rooms, another office with a music stand and easel much to my request, I find yet another bathroom and finally with the last door, the garage. I set my tea on the floor flicking the light to the garage, my heart leaps from its place in my chest, the garage is perfect. To my left a wall of tools shine in the form of never been used and well polished. To my right a hydraulic lift next to it a team of tires and two added tool cases that spark my imagination. a stupid smile crosses my face as I move from one delightful item to the next stopping only to view the tarp; a squeal like sound escapes my mouth and I rush to the side of the tarp pulling it ever so slowly off of the car. My heart settles back into my chest only to swell with elation I stare at the chaise of the half built 1967 Chevrolet impala. 'Oh my god.' I managed vaguely remembering the mention of my dream to build one in a conversation with Tyler. Next to the half built impala is my daily ride, knowing full well my baby was parked in a garage in Japan seeing her sister in almost exact detail warms me a little. Next to my Toyota is a civic for Michiru. I pull the door to the garage open and leave the newly discovered heaven grabbing my cup and switching the light back off before I head back through the house and into the bedroom, Michiru is still sound asleep, I change out of my pants and bra only now realizing I had not replaced my shirt, then crawl into bed next to her, pulling her body close to mine as I drift off into sleep.

...

The hypnotic sound of a newly installed RVX 06 engine purred around freshly groomed cement and where I normally regale in this sound today it's giving me another headache, I place the mic next to my mouth and saving a groan I say 'Tyler, not so much gas you're killing it.' Michiru gives me a soft look and I run my hand along my brow. In three years I have managed to gain little and lose a lot. I've shared to the best of my abilities my racing knowledge with Tyler, and yet he's retained little of this information. We'd been over and over the same routines hundreds of times, me changing this, tweaking that and after hours and hours at the track he would still come in last or closer to. Secretly I was glad when Michiru was offered a position as a teacher at a school in Canada. She knew my contract with the Hewletts was up at the end of this year and even though they'd offered me a permanent position with a hefty salary I couldn't accept, not now, Michiru was moving. Tyler rounded the last lap and I moved from my viewing window to sit next to Michiru resting my head on her shoulder, she dropped her book and placed her arms around my shoulders. 'It's alright baby, just three more hours.' she cooed. I sighed heavy and stood, watching the boy spin out as he usually did when it came to the turn. 'Tyler.' I said hard. He corrected the turn and flowed nicely through. 'What will I do without you Ruka.' he said. I frowned harder then. 'You'll live.' I finished. 'Bring it in we're done.' he pushed the gas again and brought the car to a halt below me, the mechanics were closing around it and I held my frown, he'd been around the track only sixty times but he'd ran the transmission to death. 'Ruka, he's still a mess.' Gary the lead mechanic said into my head piece. Gary had a way with cars, and for that we became quick friends; I would miss him. 'I know.' I replied into my mic my tone laced with sorrow for the poor mechanic who would now need to fully replace the transmission and anything else a miss with the machine.

'Hey Michiru.' Tyler greeted entering my office. Michiru said nothing to him, she never does. After their first meeting she found it better to merely ignore him. She's accused me of not seeing how he flirts with her, for omitting his lengthy stares and rude comments but I see them and they bother me and I talk to him about it but he continues.

'Tyler, you wrecked the car.' I say flatly.

'I did, well Gary can fix that.' he puts off taking the seat next to Michiru, she shuffles away from him focusing on her book.

'Look Takashi wont be as nice to you believe me.' I warn him, Takashi Aino was my manager for three seasons in Japan and as a personal favor to me he was taking over. The money helped I don't doubt. Tyler's hand is dangerously close to Michiru's leg, his eyes are fixed on the hem of her dress, jealousy fills me but I don't say anything, why save the boy now? Soon the sound of hand to flesh is heard in the quiet of the office and Tyler is holding his face. 'How many times do I have to warn you?'

'I didn't think she'd hit me.'

'Baka.' Michiru says grabbing her book and leaving the office.

'I can't believe you tap that.' Tyler says derogatorily. I glare at him. 'What?' he asks and I roll my eyes, thanking Michiru again in my mind for getting us away from here. I hand my office keys to Tyler then, shake his hand and as my final act as manager to the boy I try to summarize my knowledge into one swift speech praying that some of it sinks in before Takashi starts. 'Ease off the gas so much, don't run the gears, remember third is before forth and by god stop hitting on girls who are way beyond you.' he laughs and we hug. It's uncomfortable but finally I'm away. I close the door behind me and hurry home, Michiru is there already, dinner has been started and she's humming. I make my way as quietly as I can to her side, letting my arms ease around her, my chin resting in the curve of her neck. 'I love you.' I say.

'I love you too.' she smiles leaning into me.

'What time do the movers come?' I ask poking my finger into the sauce she's made. She swats me away and I laugh moving to the dinning room.

'Tomorrow afternoon around three. Our flight is at five.' she adds some salt to the sauce after I make a face. 'Everything is packed so we should be alright.' she adds. I look at her, admiring the beauty before me she blushes and this causes me to laugh.

'You never blush when I stare at you.' I say.

'I'm just happy you're letting me do this.' she says.

'Michi-koi, you moved here for me, it would be rather selfish of me not to do the same for you. Besides if I spend another day with that boy I might kill him.' We both laugh now, she joins me in the dinning room, her arms around my shoulders her lips closing in. 'Last night.' I say to her.

'It is.' she smiles. 'We should make it memorable.' she takes my hand slowly she kisses each finger before the palm and then my wrist; my eyes close on their own as I savor each sensation, her lips brush against my inner arm before she moves them to take my lips. Our kiss is long, passionate and familiar. She breaks it only to turn off the stove, I hear her moving in the kitchen and when she returns her clothes have been replaced only by the kitchen apron. 'Oh my.' I manage.

'Indeed.' she teases. I take her to bed, forgetting completely about dinner and not really caring much for it, she'll be my dinner and my desert tonight and tomorrow, we'll move to Canada.

**You know the deal... Review...cuz I likes to read them...**


	2. How Far Are We?

**Chapter Two**

**How far are we?**

This is my dream, it has been my dream since before I can remember dreaming. The idea of running my own class, my own school; mine. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, i was prepared for the challenge. At least I thought i was. It wasn't until they asked me the direct question that I actually felt the sharpness of the blade behind it. In Japan my life style was considered different but in no way bad. Living with a woman as a woman was merely seen as a different life choice, i was never naive enough to believe this was a common practise world over, i could feel the cool stares in Daytona but the crowd there was different and the jockeys mixed with the shop boys found our relationship erotic and easily accepted it. My lover would never sacrifice me for anything and i knew that, even if she did let that rat hit on me. No Haruka would never leave me behind, she would stand up for our relationship until the death; adding greatly to my guilt now.

'What do you mean?' I heard myself asking as I sat at the table three board members interrogating me.

'You're relationship, with Tenoh.'

'She's my.' I began i tried to stare them down but i failed. 'lover.' I finished.

'You would be smart to keep that quiet.' the shorter of the three warned me. I glared at him.

'He's right Miss Kaioh. The people who are paying you will not take kindly to the fact that you are living against gods will.' another of the three said.

'I'm sorry, against god?' I started, somewhere in my soul I could feel my blood boiling. 'What does he have to do with teaching music?'

'Miss Kaioh, this is a school built on years of tradition and beliefs. Now what you do in the privacy of your own home is one thing, but to our students and faculty it would be best if you kept that part of your life quiet.' the last of the board members said.

'And how do I introduce Haruka? As my sister, my cousin?' I asked sharply.

'You're friend.' the first offered. My life with Haruka flashed before my eyes. The time we'd spent together the things they were asking me to do.

'Fine.' I said briskly, standing from the table I gathered my things. 'is that all?'

'Yes.' the said together. I pushed the chair away from the table and make a very large production of organizing my papers before I shove them into my bag and leave the board room. I'm at the car before the tears find their way down my cheeks. What have I done?

...

The door to our small home was unlocked as i pushed my way in. The smell of something burring was clear but so too was the smell of something delicious, my darling Haruka was attempting to cook. 'Welcome home dear.' she teased me, kissing my cheek as she placed a plate in front of me. It looked define, slightly charred chicken on a bed of traditional Japanese greens.

'Oh Haruka.' I smiled blushing at her effort my mind again cursing me for giving into the demands of the school heads.

'I little wife I am not Michi, but I try.' she smiled at me turning to face the stove again, pulling out a warmed pie. 'I even baked.' to this I laughed glancing over my plate to the vision of golden brown before me.

'It looks wonderful.' i smile standing to kiss her softly. I let her place the pie on the table before I take her into my arms, she can tell something isn't right by my actions.

'Michiru, everything okay?' she asks pulling me away from her to look me in the eyes. If I were planning to lie to her my eyes would give me away, but I can't lie to my Haruka so I gather every piece of nerve I can and look at her.

'Something happened at work today.'

'I thought today was introductions.' Haruka says her grip around me now tighter and more protecting.

'It was.' I start leaning into her. 'They have a problem with me being a lesbian.'

'Ah.' Haruka breaths her chin resting on the top of my head, I can feel her heart against my cheek the speed of it increasing. 'And you said?'

'What could I say Haruka? I told them I would do my best to keep it as un-public as I could but honestly.'

'You told them you'd keep it as un-public as possible?' she asks me, her tone is hurt and I deserve it. 'What am I supposed to do go into hiding?' she tosses at me, her arms no longer around me but tucked across her chest.

'No Haruka, nothing like that. I'm just not supposed to advertise that we're lovers.'

'So you're to lie.' she says flatly. 'and you're alright with this?'

'I don't have a choice. This is my dream Ruka-koi.' I say hoping my endearment will calm her a little. I dare not cross the room to her, I know her too well for that.

'Clearly I am not meant to be a part of it.' she says as she leaves the room. Her last comment hits me harder then anything she could have thrown at me. Tears well against my eyes and slowly stream down my face, she's right. My dreams always included her before yet this one is forcing me to choose, and in the end I chose the wrong one. I brush my hand against my cheek taking the damp away with it, and picking up the plates I clear away her hard work, my heart aching as I do. What have I done? I ask myself as the last of the dishes are cleared away and clean. a yawn escapes me and I realize it's late, pulling my hair out of it's tight bun I head for our room expecting to find Haruka fast asleep as she usually is at this time of the night. Instead she is sitting on her side of the bed, staring at the wall.

'Haruka.' I start, wishing so much the words would just come to me, but they don't.

'I'm sorry I yelled at you.' she says to me; my heart breaks a little.

'I'm sorry i didn't stand up for us. I don't know what I was thinking, it was selfish and I'm sorry.' I cross the room to sit next to her on the bed, usually she would take me into her arms and rock me until we both felt better, tonight she continues to stare at the wall.

'Haruka?'

'Lets go to bed.' she says, standing and wandering the full length of the room to the bathroom, closing the door behind her in an act she rarely uses. Panic surges through me, this is worse then even I thought. I change into my night gown and wait patiently for her to emerge, the clock ticking next to me seems to tick forever and still I am alone, slowly I push the blankets from around me and I step consciously to the door of the bathroom, knocking softly then a little harder. 'Haruka.' i say in a soft loving tone. No answer comes, i test the knob, it's unlocked so I push the door open to find nothing. I follow the bathroom through to the connecting room Haruka is in the guest room, sound asleep. my heart breaks as I return to our bed, alone for the first time in almost six years.

...

'No, close but no.' I frown fixing the bow of the student before me, he's been called the prodigy of the school and for the life of me I can't see why. His form is all wrong and his pitch is something to be desired, this is why he's been send to my class but I fear I can't help him. 'Try it again.' I say glancing up to catch a visitor lingering outside my door. 'Excuse me.' I open my door to find a middle aged man waiting for me, he has some paperwork and is grinning ear to ear.

'Can I help you?'

'Miss Kaioh?'

'Yes.' I say obviously annoyed.

'My name is Blake Ryan.'

'Alright.'

'I'm your date.' he says, my face must have told a thousand stories for his smile instantly disappeared. 'for the gala, Professor Tiller called me last minute said you would need someone to go with.'

'Professor Tiller was incorrect, I have a date, my roommate is accompanying me.' I explain. After three months of teaching at the school I've learned to refer to Haruka as my roommate, it pains me each time I do, but it works.

'Right, well you're roommate can sit this one out.' Blake says handing me the papers, his contract to accompany me at tonight's gala as well as a few others in the future. My face is now fully turned down, Haruka is not going to like this. I had promised her to be my roomate at work and my lover to the rest of the world, promising that things would change very little, now I would be telling her to stay home and relax while I parade around with a paid man all night. Grabbing the contract I storm into Professor Tillers office, caring little for the students he has seated there. 'I need a word.' I demand. He nods to his students and they disappear.

'Is there a problem Miss Kaioh?'

'A paid escort?' I say tossing the contract on his desk. 'I agreed to keep Haruka as my roommate for appearances but honestly this is ridiculous.'

'No Michiru, this is business. The people at tonight's gala expect to see the sexy and vivacious Michiru, not a lesbian. You had better get your priorities straightened out or you will be out of a job.'

'Are you threatening me?' I demanded my voice raising my pride insulted.

'I am warning you.'

'I took this job fully aware of the work it entailed I wasn't aware I needed to change my personality. You wanted me, maybe you should have considered my orientation before you hired me. This is not my doing.'

'Believe me Michiru, had we known you were a gay trollop we wouldn't have hired you.' his words hit me hard, my emotions caught in my throat and before I could react I found myself storming from his office.

Three hours later i was standing in the lobby of the Jubilee auditorium, my hair loosely framing my face, my dress hugging all the wrong places and my heart completely broken. I'd arrived home early to break the news to Haruka, she was waiting for me, humming my latest creation, her hair freshly washed and my dress laying on the bed next to her tux jacket, she's already nearly dressed, tux pants in place, shirt buttoned.

'Ruka-koi.' I started realizing after I always start my horrible news this way.

'oh no, now what?' she asked her humming ceasing and her smile fading

'They bought me a date.' I blurted.

'What?'

'A date. I spoke to Professor Tiller and he said the people at tonight's gala would question if I showed up with my roommate especially a female dressed in a tux. I protested Haruka, i did but they wont hear of it.'

'How hard did you try Michiru?' she asks me sounding broken.

'I tried.' I defend knowing the effort I truly did put forth.

'Fine. Have a good time.' she ends, dropping her bow tie on the floor and heading for the door. I'm to slow to catch her and the next sound i hear is her car engine roaring down the road. I managed to pull myself together and when Blake arrived he was none the wiser.

'Where is your roommate?'

'Out.' I replied getting into the limo.


	3. Who are You?

_**Chapter Three**_

_**Who are you?**_

A dark haze took over any light around me, my body felt limp and heavy I tried to make sense of my surroundings but I failed. My mind filtered to whatever memory I could grasp, I recalled Michiru telling me she was going to her gala with a hired escort, I remember a few more shots then really needed at the bar, calling a cab, and then it gets fuzzy.

'Sir, wake up.' I can hear, I move my body and try to open my eyes but the protest against me is too great. 'She's a girl.' I hear next followed by laughing and what sounds like a fight. 'Miss, are you alright? David grab the stretcher, she's got some broken bones a concussion and this laceration above her eyebrow will need stitches.' My body is moved from the nice hard ground to what I assume is the stretcher. 'What about her?' a new voice asks.

'Wait for the coroner.' The answer comes and the evening floods back into my mind.

I had gotten to the bar after speeding around the city, it was quiet I unbuttoned my shirt a little and ordered the first of many rounds, as I left the bar in a haze of good liquor I noticed a girl being harassed by some boys. She couldn't have been more then fifteen, they were screaming at her, pushing her around. I stepped in, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her free. I felt the fist of one of the boys against my temple, but it didn't do much against me. I tossed the girl away from the fight and turned back to face the boy my cell phone out dialled to the police. 'Break it up.' I slur trying to sound more sober then I was. The boy before me begins to laugh as another grabs something large, swinging it at me. 'Run.' I scream to the girl, but my request is met with the large object smacking against my chest, then my head. 'She's a chick.' I catch, followed by statements against the young girl. 'Dyke, Fag, Queer.' They shout and I hear the ripping of cloth and the clear screams of the girl. 'Stab her quick then finish this one.' A new voice says, I can hear the sirens in the distance and I silently pray they hurry. Piercing sharp pain shoots across my forehead and the distinct sound of a body hitting the pavement is followed with screams of passer byes.

...

'Being gay does not define who you are as a person.' I say standing at the front of the class room. 'Eight months ago a hate crime took the life of Leslie Grey, she was a student at this school. She was head of the drama club, an A student, she was a friend and she was a lesbian.'

'Miss Tenoh.' A girl at the back of the room raised her hand.

'Yes Rachel.' I nod.

'What are you office hours again.' The girl asked, a glow of red touching her face. 'I mean you know for the students who need it.'

'My office is open at 0730 and it closes at 1600 but you all have my pager and I promise to return any call, any time of day or night.' I smile letting my eyes cast around the room. I had started at the school as the councillor three weeks after Leslie's murder, the students felt comfortable talking to me about her death and the school was desperate for a new set of ears. Michiru didn't seem to pleased but with her hours and her choices lately I really didn't care. I dropped my pager on the kitchen counter and made my way to the fridge, realizing it was bare I cursed Michiru, then myself realizing that somehow in the last eight months I had gone from living with my wife to nearly living alone. When we were home together, we were either fighting or sleeping. Slowly I pulled my jacket back on, grabbing my pager and heading for the door, running smack into the tiny frame that was my wife.

'Sorry.' she muttered not even looking up.

'My fault.' I reply staring over her. 'We're out of just about everything so I'm going to get some groceries.' I explain she says nothing and I take my leave, a year ago this type of conversation would have broken my heart, today I'm immune to it.

I stop at the grocery store and pick up the items we need, adding a few of the things I know Michiru still eats, when she does eat. I pay the cashier and head back to the car, my pagers softly buzzing on my hip. I close the doors to my ride and lock them, pulling my cell phone from my jacket pocket I dial the distressed teen. It's a male, probably a junior he's high I can tell by the tone of his voice but he's also scared. 'This is Haruka, did you need help?' I say letting him be the one to open up.

'I'm going to kill myself and you can't stop me.' the reply comes and my heart feels something again. My usual sense of self takes over and the answer to the wanting child is a cold one. 'Alright. So kill yourself, why should I care?'

'You're the councillor, you're supposed to fix me.' the boy says now angry.

'No I can help you if you want help. But calling to tell me you've already decided to take way to much LSD and now you're going to kill yourself is more of a courtesy call. Now I know which student's locker to clean out tomorrow.'

'You don't know who this is.'

'Really Daniel, I don't?' I challenge hoping to be right. Hoping the scared youth that lead the pack of boys who attacked me and killed Leslie would own up to his name.

'Fuck you Tenoh.' he says and I can hear him breaking down.

'Ok.' I reply. 'Then what.'

'I didn't mean for her to die.' he says slowly each word on it's own.

'But. She did.'

'I know.'

'Daniel, you're not actually going to kill yourself are you?'

'No.' he says now sobbing.

'Good.'

'Thank you Haruka.'

'I'll see you in my office in the morning.' I say flipping my phone closed and closing my eyes. I sit a moment before starting the car and heading home, Michiru is sitting in the kitchen with a warm cup of tea.

'What took so long?' she asks, her tone is innocent but I still manage to take offence.

'Work.' I answer her coolly removing items from the bags and placing them in their place.

'Ah, of course.' she says to me 'Haruka.' she starts I stop what I'm doing to look at her inwardly hoping she says the right words that could fix the mess we managed to get ourselves into.

'Yes.' she looks like she's fighting to say something, like it's brimming to explode from her, but her tired eyes push it away and she turns from me saying a quick 'good night.'

Every part of me begs to rush to her and take her into my arms, kissing away all of the last year but I don't, I pull a face and continue to unpack the food.

After a quick salad I head for the bedroom still unsure as I climb into bed why I sleep next to her cold body. I place my pager on the bedside and set my alarm, flicking the light off I begin to drift off to sleep my mind wandering back to days when we would never dream of going to bed mad, where each day was ended with soft butterfly kisses and warm sultry love making. My lips haven't touched hers in almost a year, I muse over this for a moment before the soft buzzing of plastic against cheap wood causes me to wake. I grab my pager and head out of the room, Michiru's eyes looked on me.

'This is Haruka.' I say after carefully dialling the number into my mobile phone.

'I, need.' the voice breaks, I recognize it the second I hear it.

'Rachel, what is it?' my concern is overwhelming. Rachel Dawson is typically considered one of the more grounded students. She gets excellent grades, she's not involved in much school drama and as far as I could tell her family life seemed pretty low key.

'I need your help.' she started slowly. I placed the phone tighter to my ear still trying to be quiet.

'What can I do Rachel.'

'I can't do it anymore Haruka, and I'm not sure I can solve this over the phone.' she says I can hear she's crying and my heart breaks a little.

'Tell me where I can meet you?' I reply.

'The Tim Hortons on 16th.' I nod to her comment, it's not far.

'Alright twenty minutes.' my comment is met with the sound of dead air, I hang the phone up and head to my room for some clothes, careful to be quiet. Surreptitiously I leave the lights off grabbing some of my clothes and heading for the door.

'Where are you going?' Michiru's voice sounds raspy with sleep.

'Student emergency.' I reply.

'Isn't it always.' she groans and before she can continue I have one foot in my pants and I'm attempting to walk down the hall. I slip into a jacket leaving my night shirt on. I decide since it's close I'll run, rather then drive and when I arrive at the coffee shop Rachel is already sitting by the window, hot coffee in hand.

'I'm sorry to drag you out here Haruka, but I don't know what to do.' Rachel said as I made my way to the table.

'It's alright.' I say taking the seat across from her. 'That is what I'm here for.'

'Can I get you a coffee?'

'Tea.' I say, she makes her way to the counter and I watch her, nothing about her screams help to me. She returns moments later with a hot tea placing it before me. 'Ok Rachel.' I say trying to coax her into speaking.

'I have a problem, a rather large one.' she started, her eyes fixed on her cup. I kept quiet waiting for her to let it out, finally after a few moments she sighs and starts. 'Well I'm, I guess, gay.' she says. 'But I'm not really sure if I am. Because I still find some boys attractive. But I've been seeing this girl, oh you don't know her she goes to another school. But I've been seeing her and then a few weeks ago.' she stops, I look at her and stay quiet. She needs to get this out. 'A few weeks ago I was at my parents cabin and I met a boy, some stuff happened and now I think I'm pregnant.' she says finally. 'I have no idea what to do. If my girlfriend finds out she'll leave me and if my parents find out they'll kill me, if they find out I'm seeing a girl they'll kill me.' She lets her head fall into her hands against the table.

'There are options Rachel, this isn't a lost cause.' I say slowly. 'First you need to confirm if you are indeed pregnant. Then you need to decide what you want to do. If you want to keep the baby, I can help you tell your parents and your girlfriend. People who truly love you won't judge your mistakes they will only love you in spite of them.' Even as I said the words I felt like a hypocrite. She smiled at me, the tears that had formed on her face were wiped away by shaky hands.

'Thank you Haruka.' she said sincerely.

Dawn was breaking when I finally returned home, thankful that it was Saturday. I kicked out of my pants and pulled the blankets back letting my body slide into the bed hopeful not to wake Michiru. Succeeding I closed my eyes and drifted into sleep. What felt like seconds later the soft voice of my wife called to me.

'Haruka?'

'Mm' I managed, eyes still closed.

'What time did you get in?'

'Five.' I mutter turning away from the voice.

'Where were you until five?' she asks.

'Student.' I reply continuing to mutter, still trying to sleep through the conversation.

'Do you think it's wise to spend you're night with your students.' she shoots at me. My eyes spring open.

'What?' I demand, tossing the blankets off my body and stepping over to her. I'm fully awake now and angry.

'I mean how does it look, that you come home at five after spending the night with one of your students. People aren't blind Haruka they'll talk.' her tone is flat and accusing every part of me wants to shake her, to take her by the arms and demand that she open her deep blue eyes and see what she's done to us. Instead I step away from her, my hands threading through my hair to rest behind my head. My eyes closed.

'How does it look when you deny my very existence?' I begin, knowing the words I'm about to say to her will cut her deeply. 'how does it look when you lie to me, to your professors to your students and to the world. You stand there accepting awards for being the founder of Canadian modern violin with Blake Ryan on your arm and you lie to the faces of the people who respect you. You've sold out to their version Michiru. How does that look?' I don't wait for her to reply, I merely walk away from her going into the spare bedroom and closing the door. I sat on the bed waiting, hoping secretly she would knock on the door, or better just come in. But she doesn't. Instead I hear the front door close and I crawl into the bed, making myself at home and falling back into the sleep I so crave.


	4. Where To?

**Chapter four**

**Where to?**

My heart is racing and my mouth is burning, I had nearly forgotten what it was like to be kissed. I could tell this kiss was different; my body didn't react, there was no warmth filling my pelvis there was no yearning in my response. Slowly a warm tongue pushes against my closed lips and I find the need to end the embrace. 'Blake.' I say my hands against his chest. 'No.'

'Oh come on Michiru, we've been playing this game for months.' He says to me his arms still firmly placed around my middle, his hands clasped behind me. His mouth is inches from mine.

'I said. No.' I push myself away from him taking a step back as I do. I feel the coolness of being out of his embrace and it's a welcome cool. 'I told you before Blake this is a business arrangement nothing more.'

'Right, I'm just supposed to stay your arm candy. What do I get out of this?' he demands, again closing the space between us. 'I know you want me. I can feel it.'

'You get paid.' I say taking another step back. 'And I don't want you.' He makes a face and drops his arms to his sides with an exasperated sigh. 'I'm sorry Blake. I thought we were clear.'

'You thought that did you?'

'I did.'

'Oh, right.' He started. 'That boyfriend of yours that lives abroad, but strangely doesn't care that you live with a flaming lesbian.' My face drops at his comment. 'Oh come on Michi, everyone can see she's gay.'

'The sexual orientation of my roommate is none of your concern.' I say almost too defensively. He's next to me again, his hand caressing my spine as the other takes my wrist.

'Michiru.' he starts his tone softer.

'I said no.' I step away from him for the last time, heading for the door and closing it behind me. I slowly sink to the floor of my office the lights are out, my face comes to rest in my lap. What am I doing?

...

Three hours later I'm making my way into my home. My body is weak and tired. I notice things are different around but it takes me a while to notice I'm not alone tonight. Usually when I return home Haruka is off to some child counselling event and I'm alone for dinner. Tonight she's cooking.

'You're home.' I mutter setting my bag next to the door and wandering into the dining room.

'Yeah.' she says not even looking at me. There are two places set at the table. I take the one I held before our distancing.

'You're cooking.' I state the obvious.

'I am.' she says back grabbing a bottle of wine and pouring some into my glass. I look at her a little confused before I pick up the glass and take a long draft. I watch her in the kitchen, interested in how I could have missed the addition of her ability to cook and manoeuvre. She looks at home. She's humming something I don't recognize. I admire her as she works, the swift movements of her hips as she closes the oven or grabs something from the counter. The mechanical shifts of her weight from left to right as she relocates the food from the pans to the plates. Soon a beautifully decorated plate is before me, chicken and greens next to spring rice are steaming, she sits across from me.

'Michiru, we need to talk.' she says picking up her fork and digging into her chicken. I look at her, then to my food. My stomach growls so I follow her lead, my face turned down in confusion, fear and anticipation. I stay quiet as I raise the fork to my mouth letting the perfectly cooked meat melt into my mouth. 'Michiru.' she says to me I let my eyes slowly raise to meet hers. I had forgotten how beautiful she was, even in her masculine way. 'How was your day?'

'Fine.' I say after swallowing. 'You?'

'Good.' she replied shortly. The harsh realization that we no longer have anything to talk about hits me hard, just as it must have done her. 'I heard your latest piece, it's pretty.' she offers sticking another fork full into her mouth.

'Thank you. I'm glad you like it.' I answer following her. The conversation dies from there, and we sit like two strangers eating our delicious meal. Once my plate is empty she takes it and places it in the sink, I take another sip from my wine glass letting my eyes fall closed. I can sense her close to me but the sudden feel of her hands on my shoulders startles me a moment. She is working the tension placed between the blades of my shoulders the second I accepted the job at the college. She massages the muscles as I relax into her hands. I missed her touch, my body begins to react to her in the way it always did. My nipples perking, my pelvis swelling. I moan softly as the tension is replaced with want. Her lips brush against my temple gently finding their way down my cheek to rest against my own. I part my pout for her tongues entry turning in the chair to meet her, my hands raising to grasp her hips wanting them closer to me. Wanting her closer to me. Her hands are still around my neck as she kisses me deeply. My hands are caressing down her hips and back up again, coming to rest against the swell of her breast, unsure if I can make the move to cup her. Haruka takes my hand away from her body, only to pull me off the chair and lead me to the bedroom. She helps me to the bed, our lips still connected her hands dropping mine to take over unbuttoning my shirt. I follow her lead again, letting my fingers trace the lining of her shirt before I start to unbutton each of the threads. My shirt is on the floor before I know it the cool breeze of the room coupled with the heat of my want causes me to shiver against her. She holds me closer our lips parting, her eyes melting into mine. 'I miss you.' she says to me in the raspiest tone I'd ever heard her use. My knees go weak and I land on the bed, pulling her over me. Her shirt is still in place though unbuttoned, I trail my fingertips over the softness of her breast peaking out above the cusp of her bra, her lips capture mine again.

...

Early morning light effuses over my body causing me to stir, my bed is full this morning and I could be no happier. I stare at Haruka for the few moments I have before her alarm will go off. I remember the way things were before, how she would laugh. How she made me feel like the only woman in the world. How I have ruined that. The turbulent sound of her alarm pulls her from sleep and me from my thoughts. She rolls over me, our eyes again locking. Hers are sad, and mine I assume match. 'Morning.' she says in nearly a whisper.

'Hi.' I reply the same.

'We need to talk I think.'

'Can't we just forget, forgive and move on?' I ask knowing my request is foolish and selfish. I'm in the wrong and I'm scared to face it.

'Michiru.' she says in a warning tone.

'I know.'

'I'm not happy living like this. Are you?'

'No.' I say, knowing full well it's true. I hate being as disjointed as we are.

'I want us to be a couple again. But that means changes from both of us. It means you need to accept me at your job.' the words barely leave her mouth and I'm ready for a fight.

'Haruka, you know I can't.'

'Michiru, how can you keep lying?' she asks. She's not yelling but her words hit me like missiles.

'I'm not lying, I'm merely keeping my personal life away from my public one. Can't you understand that? You did the same thing keeping your gender a secret in Japan.' I'm going for the real hurt now and I know it. 'I let you live you dream Haruka, I stood by letting the world think you were a male, letting everyone think we were a normal couple while my friends and family wondered when I changed my mind.'

'Michiru, I was honest with my staff. I was honest with the people who mattered. I may have left the details out of the public eye but I never out right said 'I'm Male.'' She has a point.

'Haruka, I know this isn't what we talked about. This isn't the life we planned to lead. But I'm following my dream. If you loved me as much as you say you do, you'd support me.' Even as I say the words I feel horrible about them. I want to take them all back and just fall into her arms again. Kissing and loving the way it was.

'You're right Michiru, this isn't the life we planned.' she leaves the room after the last word is dropped from her mouth. She closes the door to the bathroom and I hear the shower start. I cover my body with a sheet and wander to the window assessing the clear blue sky that surrounds us, wondering when the ocean stopped meeting the wind. I stare at the sky until I hear the shower turn off. I turn my attention back to the blonde as she emerges from the bathroom towel clad, hair dripping. 'What time is your event tonight?' she says.

'Seven.'

'And Blake is your date again.'

'He is.'

'Home at eleven?'

'No, later.' I reply wondering where this is really going.

'Fine we'll finish this tomorrow.' She says definitively tossing the towel on the bed and stepping into her underwear. I watch her dress silently and as quiet I watch her leave unsure where she is going or how I had lost her again.

...

'Michiru you look amazing, your latest work is divine. How do you manage with such a delicious man at home?' Melissa Joyce gushes sipping her cheap wine and staring at me. I look over to where Blake is, he's staring at me so I smile. 'Just darling how the two of you are so in love.' Melissa purrs into my ear.

'Right.' I sigh downing the remainder of my champagne as I close the distance between Blake and I. My eyes locked on him. 'Can we go.' I say into his ear careful the party he's chatting with doesn't hear me.

'Yes.' he nods smiling to the random business man he'd been chatting with, slipping his arm around me and walking me to the door. Once my jacket is in place we head for the car, my head is aching and I long to be home, to sleep, to see her. Blake drives fast, not nearly as fast as Haruka would if she knew how tired I was, but fast enough. The lights are off when we arrive at my home, her car is gone.

'Mind if I come in a sec? I need the bathroom.' Blake says. I nod and he follows me.

I slip out of my jacket hanging it in the closet, setting my purse down on the table subconsciously bringing my hands to my neck I work my fingers into my flesh. My hands are replaced by the larger stronger ones of Blake. 'Michi, you're so tense.' he says moving my hair out of the way and fully attacking the tight muscles of my neck.

'I've been stressed lately.' I say letting him touch me. Not fighting back. Not knowing why.

'I can fix that.' Blake's voice is soothing as his lips crash against my neck, his hands still massaging me slowly found their way down my throat to rest on my breast. Everything in my mind screams no, yet when his mouth meets mine I don't fight. His tongue brushes gently against my lips begging for entry, my lips part without thought, granting him access. His hands softly massaged my breasts, pushing the fabric of my dress aside to expose my nipple. I don't moan against him, I don;t react as I would to Haruka. But I don't stop him. His kiss become more wanting, and although I'm kissing him back we could both feel the lack of chemistry. His hands become less gentle, pulling hard at my right nipple, still unresponsive to his touch.

'Michiru.' the sound of my name pulled me from the action. I raised my eyes to meet teal wells of pain.

'Haruka.' I heard myself say feeling Blake's touch cease. He takes a few steps back, looking me over and makes his escape slamming the door behind him. My eyes never leave Haruka.

A single tear flows down her pale white cheek, balancing on her chin before disappearing onto the navy of her blouse. I stare at the dampness it left behind, letting my eyes wander back to hers slowly. No words were exchanged. I could see her heart breaking before me, my heart already broken, my heart already frozen. Our time together flashed before me, my bitterness over our choices. All the selfish feelings I'd held at bay flowing to the surface. 'I hope you're happy.' I mutter.

'What?' she says in a harsh voice.

'You did this to yourself Haruka.' I hear myself say, part of me screaming stop the other part egging me on.

'Did I?' she demands tossing her hands through her hair.

'You pushed me here Haruka. You pushed me with your way or no way. With you demands of a different life. With your need to be the best, even better then me. And I let you, I sat back as the good little wife and I praised you. I watched you from the sidelines winning everything. I stood by as you accepted award after award quietly known as the violinist who left the music world to follow her race car boyfriend around the globe.' years of pent up aggression and repressed anger poured out of me, regret laced on each word but I continued on. 'I even stood by as you were outted as a woman, now both our lives under a microscope. I never wanted to live that lie but I did for you. My fans, my sponsors had to deal with the revelation that I was a lesbian but the focus turned to you. It always turned to you. This is my turn Haruka, and you stand there demanding me to choose between you and my dream. Well I choose my dream.'

'You never said anything.' her voice is meek, barely audible.

'I didn't want to ruin your run Haruka. It was about you then not me.' I sink to the floor, brining my knees to my chest holding them close to me. My eyes raise above my knees to watch her, I can see the internal battle she is waging and I hope for the outcome that suites me. No words are spoken as she turns on her heels, grabs her coat and heads for the door.

'Haruka.' I call trying to get up as fast as I can. I make it to the door in time to hear her car tear out of the drive way and hit the street. Tears escape me as I'm finally over come with emotion. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, she was supposed to apologize for asking me to choose, take me in her arms and make it better. Now what have I done? I ask myself as I fall to the ground, my hands covering my eyes as I cry heavy into them.


	5. Why Not?

Chapter five

**Chapter five**

**Why not?**

_**A/N This is a shorter chapter because it's kind of a fluffy filler for the impending static to come.**_

Graduation is a joyful time for students across the board. For some it means the beginning of a life they chose to live, for others it is the decent into years of added academics. I stood against the back wall watching each of the students I had helped to mold accept their diplomas; their passes to the future. A shiver of pride rushed over my body coupled with a sadness. I missed her. The last of the names are read and I pick up my small box of items.

'I heard you were leaving.' The voice of my prized student is behind me.

'I've done all I can do.' I say looking her over, proud of her in ways I had not yet known.

'Haruka, I would have been lost without you.' Rachel says pulling me into an embrace. Her swollen stomach makes it harder to hug her but we manage. I carry my box to my car satisfied that I have indeed done everything I feel I can for the school. I had not so long ago decided to work on my own life before I could help another student. My relationship with Michiru had been rocky before I had caught her with Blake, and when I left the house three months ago I made the decision to figure out exactly what I wanted before I returned. I had spent nights awake in bed thinking about everything that had surpassed between us. All the accusations she had thrown at me. All the things I had asked her to do versus the things she had asked me. I compared our requests, compared the responses, the magnitude of each. I wondered if I had been selfish, if I had indeed requested more of her then I should have. And in that time alone and away I had come to the conclusion. Neither of us had been fair. Both of us were hurting, and I loved her. The problem I was facing was how to fix the situation. I felt too ashamed of my actions to rush back into the home we had shared and beg her to forgive me and let us try again. I punched my car into gear and sped to my rented apartment passing, as I did daily, the house we had shared. As usual I pushed the gas harder as I drove past. The house looked the same, as if a happy couple still dwelled inside. My heart leapt. A frown placed itself against my lips as I pulled into the parking garage of my apartment, once my car was placed and shut off I grabbed the box from the trunk and headed for my home. I rounded the corner to my door stopping in shock at the figure of a woman standing at the end of the hall.

'Haruka.'

'Michiru.' I said nearly dropping my box. 'How did you find me?' I asked trying to hide my excitement.

'I called Hotaru.' She answered logically and I mentally cursed my extended family while I reminded myself to thank them later.

'I see.' I said pushing my key into the lock and letting her into my place. 'What can I do for you?' I ask placing the box on the counter in the kitchen.

'I miss you.' She answers in the sweetest tone I could have imagined. My heart warms but my mind warns against it.

'Do you.' I say almost bitter.

'Haruka, I'm sorry. This is not what I wanted to happen. I love you. I miss you so much. Three months is too long to be apart.' She says her hands busy with the hem of her shirt, her eyes fixed on the floor, brimming with tears. I want so badly to go to her, to take her into my arms and tell her it's ok. I stand fast. 'I can't leave my job. But I can't live without you. I hope we can find a balance. I promise not to make any more decisions with you. Blake has been fired and I told them no more escorts. I would rather go to these events alone. I've cut my class days to be home more, I want this to work Haruka I'm doing what I can.' The frown that had made its home on my lips has taken its leave and a smile creeps up. I try to hide it as I cross the room, taking her shaking frame into my arms. She cries into me, her tears soaking my shirt. 'Please come home. Please.' She says between sobs.

'Yes, alright.' I say stroking her hair. Letting her calm down. Her eyes meet mine, and for the first time in over a year I see something other then pain behind her beautiful blues.


	6. And Baby Makes Three

**Chapter Six**

**And Baby Makes Three?**

**A/N: Gomen!! I have been busy writing something as a thank you to Kaze and Vanessa, and because of that I have neglected my darling work. But here is another chapter for you and I promise to update sooner then last time!! Enjoy the static!!**

I tried, I really did. But I don't think anyone could have suppressed giggles at the sight before me. My beloved covered in flour, the whole kitchen really, covered in flour. I stood still, my hand covering my mouth, my laughter loud and filling the room. She cocked a smile at me before chasing me down the hall to our bedroom. I realized after it wasn't smart to get cornered by her. Grabbing me she began to tickle me; I was in fits of laughter when she moved us to the bed. Soon I was under her, my eyes closed and tearing, my body gently fighting against her, then, she stopped. I opened my eyes letting ours meet. Her smile faded and she looked, simply beautiful. Slowly her eyes closed and her lips touched mine her tongue gently exploring my mouth fighting with my own. 'Michi.' I moaned wrapping my arms around her body. She deepened our embrace her hands tracing through my hair, her legs straddling my hips. My mind wandered to a week ago, when I was in a bed I didn't recognize dreaming about this moment. We'd not really talked about our time apart, only that we needed to make some changes. That it was both of our fault. That she was sorry and so was I. We'd both agreed to work on things. Start fresh. But at this moment, fresh was not where I wanted to start. Knowing what my lover liked, how if I ran my hand straight down her spine she'd shiver against me. That was what I craved. Her mouth moved from my lips to rest against my neck, softly nibbling the sensitive flesh below my ear. I ran my hand ups her back pulling her hair away and unzipping her dress. My other hand rested against her thigh my finger tips dancing against her. She shivered as the zipper fell, just as I knew she would. I pulled my weight to my left switching places with her, my body hovering over her. I slipped the dress down her shoulders and smiled into her. 'I love you Michiru.' I said before I lowered my lips to catch her neck.

'I love you Haruka.' she breathed against me.

..

Three hours later I untangled myself from her legs, she was sound asleep. Crawling out of bed I made my way to the kitchen cleaning up the mess of flour and half baked cookies. A smile touched my lips as I tossed out the remaining dough. The thought that she'd actually attempted baking for me was touching. Slowly i made my way around the house, my mind remembering all our good times. I stopped at the front door, remembering the horrible sight of my Michiru in the arms of that man. Her face, cold and unfeeling. How she'd just let me go. Shaking the thought from my mind i headed back down the hall to the bedroom, changed into my tank top and boxer shorts and brushed my teeth. I pulled the blankets back to climb into bed yawning harsh. Gently I slid my arms around Michiru, my head buried in her hair smelling forever of sea salt. She moved her rear to the curve of my pelvis filling the void, moaning softly as I held her close. I let my eyes close memories of our forgotten time together flooding over me. The hours we'd spent making love in our small apartment in Japan. Our friends who'd wished us well. The accepting stares on the streets rather then the up turned noses of the Canadians and worse the Americans. I remembered the first time she'd said she loved me. Sitting under cherry trees enjoying a lunch our friend Mako had packed. Our friends were busy enjoying themselves, her hand was softly tangled with mine. Her hair blowing in the breeze. I was caught staring at her and when she finished blushing she lean into me, her lips every so gently brushing mine then, when my eyes finally opened she said it. 'Haruka, I love you.' I remember my heart stopped. I felt like she's caused some kind of earth quake. I said nothing in return, merely looked beyond her to our friends. Pointing at us with echoed 'awes'. My heart ached at the memory and i pulled her tighter against me. Something felt wrong. She was colder then normal.

'Michi.' I said gently my voice raised. 'Michiru.' I tried again after no reply. I pulled away from her, my shorts a sticky damp. I glanced down to see a large pool of red. My mind raced what was the date, it was neither of our time. 'Michiru.' I called loudly. Pulling her to face me. Her face was pale, nearly gray. I checked her pulse. Faint. Quickly I reached for the beside phone dialling 911.

..

Floors in a hospital shouldn't be so shiny. I thought as I paced back and forth watching my own reflection in the floor below me. 'Miss Tenoh?' someone said behind me, jarring me from my focus.

'The doctor would like to talk to you about Miss Kaioh.' I nodded to the small nurse following her through several corridors before coming to stop at a nurses station marked ICU.

'Miss Tenoh.' The doctor started glancing from me to the chart before him.

'Haruka.' I said.

'Haruka, you and Miss Kaioh are partners?'

'Yes.'

'She's lost a lot of blood, and the baby. We had to operate to fully perform the abortion, but she came through surgery well. Unfortunately we've had to perform a right oopherectomy.' The doctor said.

'What?' I asked peaking. Baby? My mind raced.

'We had to take her right ovary. She'll still be able to have children should you try again. Invitro?'

'No.' I said. Baby? I asked myself again.

'She's been asking for you. I can take you to her if you'd like. We've asked the unit she gets moved to for a private room. I'm sure you'd like to stay with her.'

'What? Oh. Yes.' I nodded following him passed a few curtained rooms, finally stopping.

'She's been through a lot. But she's tough.' The doctor smiled his hand on my shoulder.

'Thank you.' I said slowly my mind still stuck. Baby?

I stood just outside the curtain for a moment, quietly recalling what the doctor has said. Letting the whole event sink in. Michiru had needed surgery. They'd taken her right ovary, she'd lost the baby. She'd lost the baby. Michiru had aborted the baby. What baby? I pulled the curtain open to find Michiru pale and asleep against the stark white of the hospital linen. My stomach wretched at the sight of her. My mind replayed the doctors words over and over. I began to questions my ability to stand so i took the seat next to her bed. My head cradled in my palms, my arms resting on my knees.

'Haruka?' the whimpering voice of Michiru said.

'Yes. I'm here.' I answered unsure of my own tone.

'What happened?' she asked reaching for me. I wanted to hold her, to tell her she's been hurt but she was alright. To forget that she'd lost a baby. Our baby, her baby.

'You.' I started unable to find the right words. Her eyes gleamed with tears, confusion set deep within them.

'What is it?' she pressed.

'You slept with Blake.' I managed. Cursing myself after, that wasn't what i had planned to say. I wanted to tell her she'd lost the baby.

'What are you talking about?'

'The doctor said you aborted just now. Your baby.' Her eyes widen, her face turned even paler. 'Didn't you know?' I asked sharply.

'I, no.' she answered.

'What did you think would happen Michiru? That you'd sleep with him and everything would be fine. Did you get tired of him and come to find me? Was that it? Or did he use you and throw you away? When did you decide i was missed huh? When you figured you were pregnant and might need a father. God damnit Michiru.' I forced. I was impressed that i had managed to keep my tone below that of a scream. It had taken some effort.

'Haruka, no.' She started.

'I can't listen to this. I'm sorry Michiru. I'll come back when I've cooled down. The doctor says you'll be fine.' I pulled the curtains back into place once I'd left the room. As i passed the nurses desk a few of the nurses smiled to me. I couldn't care less, storming out of the hospital i headed for my car. I needed air.

..

Two hours later I was sitting at her bedside again, my back screaming at me from the position I slept in. My mind was racing and my heart was broken, but this time I'd made a real promise. Not only to Michiru but to myself. I was going to fight for us. Until I found out the whole story, I wouldn't leave. I'd let her explain, let her try and at least give me a form of honesty before I wrote off any chance of our future. My drive helped. When I had arrived back at the hospital Michiru had been moved from the ICU to the nursing unit. She'd been sedated, apparently she'd become an emotional wreck just after I left. I felt guilty at this sliding into the chair I now occupied. The nurse smiled at me. 'I'm really sorry about your loss.' she said.

'What?' I managed through a yawn.

'Your wife, she lost the baby. You two must be devastated. My sister is a lesbian, she and her partner have been trying invitro for years. Still nothing.'

'Oh, right.' I nodded.

'I've given her something to help her sleep. She went a little crazy down stairs.'

'So I heard.' The nurse had left the room and I watched Michiru, wondering. My elbow rested against the arm of the chair, my head against my palm. Slowly I drifted.

'Haruka.' The groggy sound of Michiru's voice called to me.

'Hai.' I said sleepily.

'You came back.' tears streamed down her face as I tried to focus on her.

'Hai.' I said rubbing my eyes. 'How do you feel?'

'I didn't sleep with Blake.' she said her voice still not quiet her own.

'Huh?' I asked now fully awake.

'Haruka, I would never, ever cheat on you.' I stared at her. My emotions flooding over me. I was about to ask her what she meant when a troop of doctors bombarded the room.

'Kaioh, Meechiru.'

'Michiru.' I corrected.

'Age, 34.' a resident said.

'Admitted for missed abortion in the first trimester following invitro fertilization. Left oopherectomy.'

'Right.' I corrected again.

'Right oopherectomy.' The resident glared.

'Vitals?' the doctor asked.

'Temp, 39.2, BP stable on the low side, pulse 94.' The resident looked to me to argue. I moved to the bed my hand clenching Michiru's. 'She's been on Morphine for the pain but hasn't taken much. We gave her 1.5 mg's of Ativan to sleep last night after she had an emotional break down in the ICU.'

'Blood?'

'CBC is back, levels are alright.'

'Define alright Dr. Greg.' Doctor Gracen demanded pulling the chart from the hands of the resident. 'Low, she'll need a transfusion. Anything under 80. How many times?'

'Sorry.'

'Michiru.' Dr Gracen smiled stepping ahead of his residents and resting against her bedside table. 'How are you feeling today?'

'Tired.'

'No pain?'

'No, nothing major. Can I go home? I'd rather be home.' Michiru's voice sounded pained and it hurt me to listen.

'Maybe later, I want you to have a unit of blood first. Then we'll re-test this afternoon. After you eat and drink you should be alright. Do you want to speak to someone about your loss?'

'No.' she said softly, holding my hand tighter and glancing to me. I smiled at her, then to the doctor.

'Alright, whose next.' Dr. Gracen called behind his residents as they headed for the next room. Michiru lay her head against my chest, her hand still firmly holding mine. 'Michiru.' I said running my free hand through her aqua hair.

'Not now please Haruka.' she begged. I nodded holding her tight against me.

..

After two units of blood and three days Michiru was finally released from the hospital. She had yet to talk to me. I still wasn't sure of all the facts, I knew Michiru had been almost three months pregnant and that the loss was quiet violent. I knew she'd bled a lot and she was lucky to be alive. I also knew my Michiru was keeping something from me. I helped her into the house, leading her past the living room and kitchen straight down the hall into bed. I'd made sure to have the room clean and fresh for her arrival. I'd thrown out the sheets she'd bled all over, and even got a new mattress. 'Do you need anything?' I asked helping her out of her clothes and into her nighty.

'No.' she said softly.

'Are we going to talk about this?' I asked helping her legs onto the bed, grabbing the blankets and pulling them over her body.

'In the morning I promise.' she smiled at me. Her hand brushed my cheek as she closed her eyes. 'I'm sorry.' she said before drifting off.

'Me too.' I said slowly closing the door behind me as I made my way to the kitchen. I took to the task of making dinner, knowing Michiru hadn't had much in the hospital. Once the chicken was seared and the salad was made I crept back into our room, I flicked the light at the bedside and gently nudged Michiru.

'You need to eat.' I told her placing the plate next to her.

'I know.' she frowned pulling herself into a sitting position.

'Michi.' I started gazing at her.

'Haruka.' she replied looking at her plate. Tears streaming down her face. I moved next to her, my arms wrapping around her shoulders I pulled her into me. Softly rubbing her back as she cried. Between sobs she spoke. 'I tried, I couldn't think of anything else. I thought if we had a baby, if we had a family. But look how it turned out.'

'You did this on purpose?' I asked trying hard to keep control of my anger.

'I wanted us to be happy Haruka. I didn't know what else to do. I thought if we had a baby our lives would go back to how they were. I thought you'd fall in love with me again.' she cried. I looked at her, anger and confusion making their home on my face.

'You did this on purpose?' I repeated. 'Michiru, we talked about a family but never seriously. What were you thinking? When were you going to tell me? What the hell were you thinking?' I could no longer contain my anger. Standing from the bed I faced her, no longer caring that she was in pain, no longer worried that I may hurt her.

'I wasn't Haruka. I wanted you back, I needed you with me. You seemed so far away.'

'You were already pregnant when you, oh god, of course you were.' I stammered. My mind racing. One week ago she'd come to me, begged me to return home. Cried to me that things would be better. That she'd be better. We'd promised to make a real try, promised to be the people we had been. But she knew, she'd known that things would never be the same. Not with a new person on the way. I slammed my fist into the wall behind me, causing her to jump. My eyes were full of fire when I looked to her. 'I can't do this.' I said sternly.

'I didn't know what else to do. We talked about a family. How happy we would be. Haruka I was trying for both of us.'

'And what about for the baby? Huh.' I demanded taking her by the shoulders. 'What about the poor defenceless child you were about to add to our war? What about that huh?'

'You're hurting me.' she managed. I dropped my hands from her, my face still close to hers.

'Michiru.' I said. 'It's over.' My heart felt as if it had been pulled from my body and tossed into a grinder. Mechanically I grabbed my suit case from the closet and began to fill it. She stare at me from the bed in disbelief.

'No, please.' she tried.

'Over.' I repeated stomping into the bathroom and grabbing my toiletries. I tossed them into my over night bag and headed for the living room. Grabbing the things that meant something to me. Taking photos and keepsakes. My trophies, plaques, things that she would miss but that were mine. I strode back into the bedroom, Michiru was doubled over crying. I took the handle of my suitcase and headed for the door.

'Wait. Please just a moment.' Michiru said following me. Her body defying her as she collapsed in the middle of the hall. I went to her, dumping my bags and helping her to stand.

'Michiru, I love you.' I said walking her back to bed. 'But I can't do this anymore.' My tone was hurt and straight. I couldn't do this anymore. 'We're to different now. And your answer to this whole thing is to add a new person to our already strained hearts? I'm sorry. Michi-san. I can't.' I helped her under the covers placing a soft kiss to her lips. 'Good bye Michiru.' I whispered against her lips.

'No.' she begged reaching for me. I stepped out of the room and made it down the hall. I could hear her sobbing as I closed the door behind me. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I loaded my belonging into my car. I knew what I needed, I needed to go home.


	7. Life a New?

**A/N As promised that was faster Ne? Gomen all this is the second to last chapter. What could possible happen next? Enjoy. **

**Oh and I need to dedicate this chapter to one person. Karis. **

Soft golden light reflected off the polished linoleum floor. My hands hurt, they tingled the feeling of numbness present. I pushed my eyes closed letting the tingling run from the tips of my fingers up to my elbow, trying hard to distinguish between what was real at the moment and what I was imagining. Hard beeping next to me had my mind focused. I couldn't recall the last couple days but I was told I'd been in the hospital for a week. That a friend had found me on the floor of my apartment, no one would tell me who. A piece of my hair floated across my forehead and I tried to move my hand to brush it away. But my hands were held in place by leather restraints. I remember a time when we'd tried this game. She'd every so gently bound my hands while she explored my body. Kissed every part of me. I relaxed my hands moving my head to replace the annoying bit of hair while my mind traveled to those days in our apartment in Japan. Her voice was smooth when she offered to tie my hands, the rope was silk and I could have easily escaped. But I didn't want to; I wanted her to own me. I wanted her to consume me. And she did. The beeping became more rapid, I moved my gaze to glare at it. The numbers reading high, something was probably wrong with that machine. I gathered my head feeling light, the room began to spin a nurse came to my side. Mumbling my name, telling me to focus, so I did. I thought of her. Of my only love. Where was she? The sound of the nurse and the beeping became faint as I see her at the end of the hall, slipping from my bed I go to her. She turns away from me, her eyes cold. What have I done?

..

'Welcome back Miss Kaioh.'

'I'm sorry?' I hear myself; my voice is thick and almost unrecognizable as my own.

'You gave us quiet a scare.' A young man said looking over a clip board at me.

'I did?'

'You don't remember?' he asks me. His eyes are kind and he sits on the edge of my bed.

'No.' I say concern building within me. He lifts my wrists and pulls off the restraints, showing me the damage. My wrists are wrapped with heavy gauze, there is blood soaking through. 'I, what?' I stammer staring.

'You were found by a neighbor. She saw you through the window of your kitchen. You were lying in a pool of blood the knife had fallen from your hands.'

'When?' I asked shaky.

'Tuesday last week.' He says pulling a fresh set of dressings towards him. 'Then two days ago you were fighting the restraints and pulled your stitches, you bled out a bit and we had to resuscitate you.'

'Why.' I said flatly. He looked at me, his soft brown eyes generally caring. 'I'm sorry.' I say feeling guilty.

'What could have made you do something so rash?' He says gently. 'You lost your baby I realize that.'

'My baby, my lover, my life.' I say.

'Oh.' He smiled weakly. My wrist is exposed and I look at the work I'd done. Not a straight line but a jagged line, hard to stitch.

'I'm sorry.' I say lifting my eyes to him.

'I can help you.' He says. I believe him. His soul is kind.

'How?' I ask. I feel like it's already too late.

'Trust me Miss Kaioh, I can help you.' He smiles at me wrapping my wrists in fresh gauze. He replaces them in the restraints and before leaving tops up my pain medication.

'What's your name?' I ask feeling the new effects of the drugs.

'Matthew.' He replies. 'I'm a fan of yours Miss Kaioh, and the idea of you not being here is to much for some of us to bare. Let me help you. I promise it's not so bad.' He disappears behind the wall and I fall back into sleep. What have I done?

..

The sound of laughter filled the air, easy unbridled laughter. I stand in a small kitchen listening, my heart pounding. My palms sweating. 'Seriously then she was gone. I swear to god I have no idea what I said to her.'

'It was probably your cooking.' I smile joining the group.

'It's not that bad.' Matthew protested through a laugh.

'Yes it is.' A small blonde said next to him.

'Fine Jenny last time I cook for you.' Matthew teased.

'Good.' Jenny laughed.

'How can I get that?' The lanky dark haired boy holding Jenny's hand said.

'Jeez, is it gang up on Matt night?' Matthew laughed.

'Isn't it always?' Jenny smiled.

'Ok, enough. Lets start shall we?' Matthew smiled gently. 'Carla, do you want to go first. You said you had something to share.' A heavy girl with short red hair stood, straightening her unfitting shirt she smiled to the group, I try to get comfortable but it's hard.

'I met someone.'

'Carla.' Matthew said in a warning tone.

'Sorry, my name is Carla. Three months ago I tried to kill myself. I hated my life. I hated how I looked; no one around me seemed to care, so I took three bottles of percocet and chased it with a bottle of vodka. But today, I'm feeling good. And I've met someone.'

'That's fantastic.' Jenny offered.

'Good for you.' I say.

'Tell us about him Carla.' Matthew coaxed.

'He's great. We met on the internet but, he knows all about me. I sent him photos of myself and, he thinks I'm pretty.' She beamed. 'He says a real woman is a girl who can eat. He knows I tried to kill myself and says that he wants nothing but to help me get past that. He even said he'd come to these meetings with me.'

'That's fantastic.' The group echoed.

'You're doing very well Carla. Very well.' Matthew smiled stepping over the coffee table to hug the large girl. Carla broke into tears her arms locked around Matthew. Slowly they parted, Carla sat back down the quiet brunet next to her handed her a box of tissue and a hard look.

'April.' Matthew warned.

'I'm fine. Sorry Carla.' The brunet apologized. Carla sniffed hard and smiled to the rest of the group.

'Michiru, you have news also.' Matthew said. I look at him, my news, yes my news. I try to think how my life has been the last few weeks. How I went from the cold hospital room to the warmth of Matthews apartment. How meeting this small group of rejects has changed me. I clear my throat preparing for my last introduction, my last piece of therapy. My last feeling of belonging.

'My name is Michiru; six weeks ago I tried to take my own life. I felt like I had no other option. My lover had moved out of our home, I'd just lost a baby and everything in my life seemed like it was over. I took a kitchen knife and made a good mess of my wrists. However today I'm feeling much better. And on Friday I'm going home. To Japan. I've taken a job touring again.' I sigh with the last words. I was doing it, saying the words made it real. I was going back to a world I understood. Back to a public who adored me. Back to a home where people loved me, needed me, supported me. I was going home.

'That's amazing news Michiru. Congratulations.' Jenny smiled.

'I'm so happy for you.' Carla sobbed.

'Yay.' April sighed.

'You'll be fine.' Matthew smiled taking my hand and squeezing it gently. Hours later the small apartment Matthew rented was empty, I stood in the middle of the kitchen looking over the heaps of food no one had touched. 'My cooking isn't that bad is it?' He asked dumping the plate of chicken he'd prepared into the trash.

'Yes Matt, yes it is.' I laughed. 'Almost as bad as Haru.' I started, slowly letting her name fade from my lips

'Still hard.' He asked.

'No.' I lied. 'Almost as bad as Haruka. She couldn't cook to save her life.' I pushed through, trying not for him, but for myself.

'You don't have to pretend Michi.' Matthew tried, placing a warm hand on my shoulder. 'Still haven't heard from her?'

'I don't even know where she is.' I said trying so hard to sound uncaring. Emotion building in my throat.

'True love will be, if it is meant to be.' Matthew said pulling me into a hug. 'If you two really are connected you'll find her.'

'Thanks Matt.' I smile. 'I would never have made it without you.'

'I know.' Matthew laughed.

..

Japan hadn't changed one bit. I stepped off the plane and into a crowed. People were screaming, begging for attention and generally being everywhere. Oh how I missed this. I walked through the terminal to my baggage, memories of tours ending, Haruka waiting for me flooded over me. Everywhere I turned I saw her. My mind playing evil tricks one me.

'Michi-san.' I heard turning around to see the person calling my name. The gentle smile of Makoto Kino was a sight I had missed more then I knew.

'Mako-chan.' I smiled wrapping my arms around her.

'What happened?' she asked taking the handle of my luggage, her gaze fixed on my wrist.

'We'll talk later.' I smile.

'I'm glad your home. Ami-san has made up the spare room. Usagi-chan is pacing about. Have you heard about Rei-chan and Mina-chan?' She buzzed as we walked through the airport. I looked at her confused; no I hadn't heard anything about anyone.

'Oh the controversy.' Mako laughed. 'Wait till we get home.' I sat in the front seat of her land rover. Mako drove like Haruka, fast and in charge, the thirty minute trip from the airport to her apartment was done in eighteen minutes flat. She shooed me into the apartment while she grabbed my bags. Ami was waiting, a smile glued to her face. 'Michiru-san, how was your flight?' she asked her navy hair longer then I remember, pulled back into a knot. She'd aged, we all had.

'Michiru-san!' Usagi hollered from the kitchen, grabbing a pastry as she rushed to me, her arms around my waist before I knew it.

'Usa-koi, gently.' Mamoru smiled.

'Gomen Michiru-san.'

'Nani, its fine.' I smiled. 'What have I missed?' I asked stepping around Usagi.

'Sit.' Mako said pointing to the pillows on the floor. Slipping my shoes off I tucked my feet under my legs and sat. Ami placed tea before me, and the group soon surrounded me. 'How was America?' Usagi asked putting another pastry in her mouth.

'It was, different.' I said pausing to think of the right words.

'And Canada?' Ami asked sipping her tea, her free hand resting against Mako's knee. I glanced at them, memories of our forgotten youth entering my mind. How they'd flirted, how they'd talked about boys. Now Mako and Ami had found love in each other.

'It was cold.' I laughed. Usagi joined me, Mako soon followed and Ami just sipped her tea.

'And Haruka-san? Where is she?' Usagi asked, her question received a soft look from Mamoru. 'What?' she asked looking from her love to me.

'I don't know.' I said.

'Oh.' Usagi frowned. 'Gomen' she smiled, the gentle smile that made her our friend, even with all her annoying qualities.

'Haruka and I split up.' I managed hurrying the tea cup to my lips as four sets of eyes suddenly bore into me.

'What happened?' Ami asked abandoning her refine.

'Michiru-san itsu?' Mako added.

'Nani. I don't believe you.' Usagi frowned.

'That's enough.' Mamoru said loudly, he stood taking Usagi's hand and leading her to the door. 'Gomen Mako-san, Ami-san we must go.'

'We must?' Usagi asked.

'We must. Michiru-san welcome home. Sayonara.' Mamoru lead Usagi out of the small apartment, her look still confused.

'Gomennasai Michiru-san, I'll show you your room.' Ami smiled placing her cup against the table and shuffling me to the guest room. 'If you need anything, Mako and I are just down the hall.'

'She left me.' I said randomly, my eyes meeting the navy ones of Ami. 'I pushed her away Ami-san and she left. I can't blame her.'

'You don't have to tell me.' Ami smiled.

'I know. But you and Mako-chan are being so kind to let me stay here.' Ami closed the space between us, her arms softly embracing me. I felt warm.

'You're home Michiru-san.' She said softly.

..

I could smell bacon, eggs and tea. My eyes slowly found the light as I crawled out of the futon. Dressing I slipped into the slippers and followed the smell to the kitchen. Ami was reading at the table while Mako was cooking. 'Morning Michiru-san.' Mako smiled pouring a cup of tea and placing it before me. 'Sleep well?' she asked.

'Hai. Arigato.' I smiled taking the tea. 'Mako-chan, you never did tell me about Mina-chan and Rei-chan.' I said sipping the light herbs.

'Hai.' She shouted turning to face me.

'Oh dear.' Ami sighed closing her book.

'Married.' Mako said. She looked at me as if that one word would sum up the confusion.

'To?' I said.

'Each other.' Ami injected. My face dropped.

'Nani!' I shouted in surprise.

'Hai, two days ago. Told no one. Rei-chan's grandfather did the whole thing at the temple. They had a witness but wont say who.' Mako nodded as she spoke, turning the eggs over. 'Can you believe it.'

'None of us are straight.' Ami smiled reopening her book.

'Usagi.' I smiled.

'Hai, today.' Mako laughed.

'To-day what?' I said laughing. Ami tossed a napkin at Mako who responded by spraying the sink water at Ami. Ami jumped from the table and headed toward Mako arms out to stop the spray of water. Mako dropped the spray gun pulling Ami into her arms. I stood from the table and made my exit, couples should have their alone time. I decided grabbing my bag I headed down the stairs and out of the apartment. My heart ached a little as I made my way through the markets of Juban. My home. People stopped me, remembering my glory days, asking if the rumors of my return tour were indeed fact. I beamed as I signed autographs and confirmed I was indeed touring. My day was looking bright when I stopped at an old tea shop, I stepped in and took a seat next to the window. The TV in the corner playing sports. I ignored it, ordering a light salad and a tea. The waitress smiled to me, rushing to get my order. I glanced around, I was alone in the shop except for a few men, all glued to the TV. They're interest peeked my curiosity and I moved to see what had their attention.

'We're pleased to welcome Tenoh-san to Jubans only sports network. Welcome Tenoh-san.'

'Arigato Mai-san.' Haruka's voice flooded from the TV

'She's hot, for a guy.' The man next to me said.

'She's the racer chick.' Another mused.

My heart stopped. Haruka was in Juban. She, was here? I felt faint. I couldn't breath. How could this be?


	8. And in the End

**And In The End.**

**A/N: Hurray i'm done. Gomen mina-san it took so long. I was distracted... I dedicate this to my Ruka-koi. Enjoy!**

Cold wet sweat took place over my body as I once again dreamt of her. Tossing in the bed I pushed the blankets to the ground and shivered as the night air covered me. Her laugh haunted my dream, the sweet angelic sound that flowed from her lips as she tossed her head back and laughed. Her arms were around me holding me tight as we shared a moment no one else would comprehend. I turned again letting her eyes penetrate into my soul the words cascading over me as she told me again and again that she loved me. Only me. And that our love to conquer anything. That pulled me from the dream, I let out a frustrated scream as my body sprung into a sitting position. It was dawn, barely I shifted my weight out of the bed and wandered into the bathroom. Tossing warm water on my face I stared into the mirror. Dark circles had taken place under my eyes, my skin had turned a pale white. I looked horrible.

'You look Great.' Ansha smiled handing me my morning coffee and mail. 'You have a meeting at 3 with some producers and a dinner meeting with.' Ansha paused looking over my schedule. 'I'm not sure, it doesn't say. I think it's a promoter.' I sighed heavy as I took my mail and planner from her. Slipping my hand around the warm cup of coffee I placed it against my mouth and breathed in the scent of rich beans. 'Then you're off for the whole weekend.' she smiled.

'Hai.' I muttered unable to think what I could do with myself for three whole days. Being alone was the worst, her face haunted me whenever I closed my eyes. If people were around, I had reason to forget her.

'Do you have plans?' Ansha pushed gently. 'I could, you know, keep you company if you wanted.' she added. I raised my eyes to her in shock as her hand traced along my hip.

'Yau-chan.' I said in a warning tone.

'Gomen Tenoh-san, you just seem so lonely. Any girl would be a fool to lose you.' her hand continued on my waist pulling gently toward her hips. I stepped back.

'Yau-chan you're my assistant. And you're a good assistant. Please don't make this complicated.'

'Gomen Tenoh-san.' she said in a meek rejected voice.

'That will be all Ansha, enjoy your long weekend.' I stepped away from her fully, heading for my office, wondering how I'd gone from Haruka the player to anyone who'd deny the advances of a gorgeous red head throwing herself and me. I drank my coffee slowly as I read over my day, a track meeting at 10 am for the 5 o'clock news then nothing until I met with the producers at 3. The dinner meeting had me confused. I wasn't aware of any promoters wanting to see me and Ansha was so good about writing down names. I shrugged my shoulders and downed the last of my coffee.

...

My day seemed to never end, my 10 o'clock meeting at the track seemed to last forever as people who remembered my wins came out of the woodwork to question if I'd ever race again. My heart stung as I lied to them. 'I'd consider it, for the right price.' I laughed fakely. My old managers shook my hand asking if I'd married the pretty aqua haired girl I was dating. I blushed in answer and they slapped my back as if I had. I couldn't bring myself to correct them. That's how it should have been. I should have married Michiru, we should have a little family, things should be perfect. But they aren't. At 3 I met with the producers. They wanted me to spend more time in the studio, my fans from before were once again my fans and the amount of fan mail I generated filled a room. They smiled with glee as they offered me money and company perks. I remembered this feeling from my glory days, as I signed the contract I wanted nothing more then to rush home to Michiru and tell her the good news. Instead I drove home slowly, stopping extra long at each stop sign taking my time as I wound the corner to my apartment and slowly sauntering up the stairs. I changed into a navy dress shirt and white dress pants ran my hands through my short blond hair and checked my planner for the restaurant I was meeting my mystery dinner date at. Kau-Ming. My heart stopped. Kau-Ming was our place, Kau-Ming was the restaurant I took her to. My mouth went dry as I read it over and over I glanced at my watch and put my wallet into my pocket. Tonight was going to be a challenge.

Kau-Ming hadn't changed since I'd been there last. The same red brick made the small restaurant stand out against the typical scene of Japanese buildings. I killed the engine of my car and closed my eyes mentally preparing for what I assumed would be an uneasy dinner. But as my eyes closed she returned to me, her hands placed on mine, her body turned slightly toward me in the passenger seat her smile brimming. 'Our place Haruka, tonight is special.' I remembered.

'Hai, an anniversary that should be celebrated.' I smiled at her.

'Two years is a long time to put up with you.' she laughed.

'Nani.' I retorted but her lips were crashing down on my faster then I could have hoped and our kiss caused me to forget anything she had said. Softly her hand moved from mine to caress my face pulling me deeper into the embrace.

'Lets go, I'm starving.' she smiled pulling away from me. I let my eyes stay closed.

'I'm not hungry for the food anymore Michiru.' I managed.

'Later Haruka.' She breathed against my ear. I felt the cool of the night air then heard the slam of her door. I fixed my shirt and jumped from the car within seconds I was by her side, my hand tightly holding on to hers, ensuring the world knew Kaioh-Michiru was mine.

I shook the memory out of my head and pushed the car door open, I made my way to the front of the restaurant gathering as much courage as I could I opened the door.

'Right this way Tenoh-san.' the host smiled when I made it to his podium. I was seated at a table for two, in the far back of the restaurant. A table I would have requested for us. 'You're partner is already here.' the host added pouring me a glass of water. 'I'll send the waiter.' My partner was already here, I let the words repeat in my head lifting the water glass to my mouth.

...

'Hello Haruka.' the sweet sound of her voice captured me. I waited for my mind to stop playing with me as I looked over the water glass. Standing before me was Michiru.

'Mi, Michiru?'

'Hai.'

'But, when? I thought you were still in Canada.' I stuttered. Placing the glass back on the table. Before Michiru could answer our waiter arrived. We gave him our drink orders and he was gone again.

'I moved home after an accident.' she answered showing me her wrists. Guilt coursed over my body, but anger soon followed.

'Ah.' I said willing the waiter to hurry with my beverage. 'How did you know I was here?' I asked unable to let my eyes meet hers.

'I saw you on the news.' she said softly. 'Haruka I needed to see you. I needed to talk to you. I'm sorry to have surprised you like this.' I glanced up to look at her, careful to avoid her gaze. Her eyes were closed, drops of pain were beginning to flow down her cheek. 'I needed to tell you, to explain things.' she added.

'Shhh Michiru, it's alright.' I said to her, my heart breaking at the sight.

'No Haruka, it's not. But it will be.' She offered a pained smile as our drinks were finally placed before us. I took a long sip of mine letting the fire of the alcohol burn down my chest. We ordered our food. Once the waiter was gone a warm hand covered mine. My mind demanded I move but my heart kept my hand cradled in hers.

'Haruka, im so sorry.' Michiru started. I could feel her eyes burring into me as I kept mine averted. 'Everything that happened, all the pain.' her voice was straight. 'I caused it. But I never meant to. I never wanted to push you away.' her fingers began to stroke my hand gently and lovingly just as she had done for years before. The same stroking that would calm me no matter how angry I was. I kept my eyes on the table. 'When we moved to Daytona our lives changed. I no longer had one of my own, instead I was living through yours. I always thought I could. I wanted to be with you so badly Haruka, I never thought id begin to resent you for having a life. When I got the offer to teach in Calgary I jumped at it. And you followed me, excited for me to start living my dream. But we got to Calgary my dream turned into a night mare. I told myself over and over that it was only for a little while. But no matter how many times I pushed myself to believe that, I couldn't fool you.' Her voice trailed off as the waiter placed our appetizers before us. I picked up my fork and poked the scallop as Michiru continued. My hand now felt naked without hers. 'I did fight Haruka, I fought every day for them to let me be who I was. For them to accept me as gay. But they'd never budge and I know I should have left, I should have demanded it but I was scared. I thought teaching at that school was my only dream, and I was so desperate for it to come true. So I worked harder, trying to show you it wasn't so bad. And in doing so, I was never home. And I hated you when I was home. I couldn't understand why you didn't see how hard I was trying.' I looked at her then, letting my eyes finally dive into the wells of aqua that were broken before me. My heart warmed at the sight of her, and I took every part of her in. 'After Blake tried, well what he tired I thought I'd lost you forever.' she began again, this time her voice was more pained. I looked at her placing my fork on the plate I took her hand into mine. I couldn't help myself, I needed to make her ok. she smiled at me as continued. 'I couldn't think of any way to make it right, I knew we both wanted a family and figured that would keep you around. If I could give you a son or daughter you'd love me again. You'd forget all the things we'd been through. I could stay home with the baby and you could work with your teens. I had it all figured out Haruka. But I wasn't thinking straight, I was confused and I was sick in the mind. I went to the invitro clinic and they asked me so many questions. I lied to them, I told them my husband had died in a fire and I was desperate to have something to hold on to. Once the pregnancy was confirmed I went to find you. And you forgave me, I didn't get a chance to tell you about the baby, I wasn't prepared for you to forgive me. We got home, made love and I was so content. But then.' she trailed off, my hand held her tighter.

'You don't have to continue.' I said gently. Her eyes were now locked on the table, I used my free hand to pull her face up, letting our eyes connect.

'Yes I do.' she tried. I brushed my thumb against the softness of her cheek and she moved her face deeper into my hand. My heart leapt, this was how it was supposed to be. 'When you left, the last time I couldn't bring myself to do anything. I cried in bed until I pulled myself from it to make some tea. I remember being in the kitchen, my hands shaking as I tried to put the kettle on. Everywhere I went I saw your face, I heard your voice and my mind reminded me how I made you leave. I pulled the kettle from the stove and pulled out one of the kitchen knives. I don't even remember it hurting.'

'Who found you?' I asked. My voice sounded so lifeless.

'One of our neighbours.'

'And you can still play?'

'Hai, no nerve damage. I was in the hospital for a while, lost a lot of blood. I met a nurse there. Matthew.' She picked up her fork with her free hand, leaving the other in my grasp. 'He helped me. He showed me what I had done, to you and to myself. He reminded me how I was strong once.' I watched her eat pieces of the food before her. She was quiet for a moment as she chewed, the waiter returned with our meals. I looked to Michiru for more, her hand tightened against mine, her eyes sparkled, this was the Michiru I remembered. 'He reminded me that who I was, and showed me who I had become. Oh Haruka, I wasn't anything like I should have been. I was miserable and horrible. I blamed you for everything that was my fault, and in the end, I really wanted to kill myself so that you felt guilty.' the last part hit me hard, I tried to pull my hand away but she held on. 'But Matthew helped me, and Haruka, I know now. I don't want to die, and it certainly wouldn't be your fault.'

'Michiru I,'

'Please Haruka, just hear me out.' she looked at me with eyes the spoke louder then her words. I nodded. 'I don't deserve another chance, I deserve for you to tell me I'm crazy and for you to walk out of here and never look back. But I need you to know that I miss you Haruka. I love you still as I did when we first met. As I always will. What happened in America was inexcusable but, Haruka, my Ruka, if you can find it in yourself to give me a new beginning I promise to never hurt you like that again.'

...

An easy light breeze cascaded around the Hikawa shrine tossing gold and navy ribbons into the air. 'Chibi-usa-chan get back here right now.' Usagi hollered chasing after her daughter.

'Us Ag EE!' Rei screamed as the blonde toppled over a large vase.

'Gomen Rei-chan.' Usagi smiled lifting the pieces of the vase, joined by Chibi-usa to her right.

'Today isn't about them.' Rei's wife smiled; softly caressing the raven girls arm.

'Arigato Mina-chan.' Usagi smiled rushing to avoid the anger of Rei. Mina slipped her arms around Rei's waist letting her head rest on the fire goddesses shoulder. 'What a perfect day.' Mina smiled.

'Hai.' Rei agreed holding her lover close. 'Are they ready?'

'Hai.' Mina nodded.

'Are they sure?' Rei challenged.

'Hai.' Linking arms with her lover Rei pulled Mina toward the hall, the decorations were being finished. The food had been laid out and Mako-chan was ensuring Usagi stayed away. Mamoru stood at the end of the hall chatting to Yuricchio. Ami sat in the pew a book in her lap as she wound ribbon around a small bouquet of flowers.

'I think it's time.' Mamoru called from the front of the hall. Rei nodded.

'Places everyone.' Mina demanded gently pushing her lover to the front of the hall before disappearing with Usagi.

Soft violin music surrounded the inner hall as Michiru followed Setsuna, Mina and Usagi. Cream and aqua dresses brushed across the floor spreading the petals Chibi-usa and Hotaru had tossed. Hugged in a white corset with a long flowing skirt Michiru looked like an angel. Her aqua hair pulled away from her face held her vale in place. I stepped forward, my black tux shaping my body perfectly, the navy accents adding colour to my attire. I watched her walking toward me, my heart caught in my throat, my body tingling. She looked beautiful. Any question I had that this was right left my mind, and I focused on my Michiru.

'Love is like a timeless battle. Endlessly testing our personality and our heart. Pushing us to reach for the highest high and dragging us through the lowest low. But when love is meant to be, there is never a question, and no matter the pain, no matter the struggle in the end hearts that are linked will find each other once more. Haruka and Michiru were tied together in fait. Linked from the start with the red string. Try as they may neither will ever love another as they love each other. And today we join them in marriage.' Rei smiled as she handed me the small wood ring I'd bought, the red glaze of the ring shining in the light of the hall. 'Haruka.'

'I gave you my heart the moment I saw you. You have my soul and with it you own me. Our lives are one and through everything our love is still strong.' I said placing the ring on Michiru's left ring finger. 'I will love you forever Michiru, no matter what the world throws at us.' I turned to Rei as she handed Michiru a similar ring.

'You are my destiny Haruka, the only thing that completes me. No matter how dark my day you are my light. I shall never love another as I love you.' she pushed the ring on my finger and my body felt light. Tears well in my eyes as I looked from Michiru back to Rei.

'As the gods are my witness and the planets my guide I announce that you're married may you live happy together, forever.' A smile crossed my face as I turned to Michiru, sliding my arms around the tight soft fabric of her waist I pulled her against me. 'Mine forever.' I breathed against her letting my lips take hers.

I kissed her as if I'd never have a chance to kiss her again, our mouths moving together in harmony, our tongues fighting their usual battle, my hands pushing her deeper into me. I could hear the awes and cheers of the people around us but I wouldn't let her go. She was mine again, my Michiru, my wife. The past meant nothing now, our future was all that was important. I felt her arms around my neck, pulling me as I pushed her, as though neither of us could get enough of the other. I felt whole.

**Thank you to all who read this/ love it. As always they end up together. Please review if you have the time. :) And Special thanks to Vanessa, Kaze and Impersonal...because i think about you guys more then you probably know. Much love - Trixx**


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